The Concrete Cows have finally lost their patience. This Tote Bag pays homage to the brutalist beauty of Milton Keynes with a monstrous twist. Featuring a trio of undead bovines reclaiming a derelict MK landscape, this design captures the post-apocalyptic side of the New Town. Don’t just represent your city; survive it.
Bag size (excluding handles) 38 x 42cm.
Art Style: Post-Apocalyptic Surrealism, It takes a wholesome, local icon (the Milton Keynes Concrete Cows) and subverts them into a nightmare scenario.
Vibe: Alternative and rebellious.
Best Used: Stashing rations for the long trek across the Campbell Park exclusion zone or surviving the radioactive glow of a rush hour at the Hub.
Keep me looking fresh: Machine wash at 40°C. Flip me inside out before washing to protect the finish. Air drying is best, but if you’re in a hurry, tumble dry on low heat.
THE MONSTER IN THE DETAILS: Born in the dark, not on an assembly line. Natural variations in lighting and hand-placement mean your gear might differ slightly from the photo. Embrace the imperfections-perfection is for the prey.
Home Turf Tote Bag
At Monstrous Attire, we understand that sometimes things aren't exactly as they appeared in the shadows. If your gear doesn't live up to the legend, here is how we handle the trail back.
The 14-Day Sighting Window
You have 14 days from the moment of "confirmed sighting" (delivery) to report a discrepancy. if the trail goes cold after two weeks, the sale becomes as permanent as a footprint in dried mud.
Condition of the Artifact
To be eligible for a return, your item must be:
In-Focus: Unworn, unwashed, and in the same condition you recieved it.
Scent-Free: Items smelling of campfire, pine needles, or wet primate" will be rejected immediately.
Tagged: Original tags must still be attatched (unless they were lost in a high-speed chase through the brush)
Proof of Encounter
we cannot process a return without a reciept or order number. Like a grainy photograph of a bipedal beast, we need clear evidence that this encounter actually took place.
Vanishing Acts (Refunds)
once your return is inspected and cleared by our investigators:
A replacment item will be shipped out.
A credit will be applied to your original method of payment. Please allow 5-10 buisness days for the funds to reappear. Just because it's gone doesn't mean it won't haunt your bank account again.
Return Shipping
Unless the product arrived with a "genetic mutation" (Manufacturing defect), the cost of the return trek is the responsibility of the hunter. we recomend using a Trackable Shipping Service we cannot be held responsible mfor items that disappear into the wilderness mid-transit.
WARNING: Sale items are final. Once they retreat into the "Clearance" woods, they are never seen again